I’ve been struggling recently with sleep, both for me and my little one. This post is purely me thinking out-loud and sharing what I’m feeling. So if you’re looking for tips this probably isn’t the place for you. But if you’re looking for solidarity in the midst of it being hard. I’m here for you!
She’s been going through the 4 month sleep progression or regression whatever you want to call it. She needs to be holding onto me or touching me until she’s in a deep sleep or drifting between cycles.
It’s been rough on us and I’ll be honest I’ve been letting the internet tell me how to parent when it comes to sleep. I actually had a crash out about it a few nights ago because I felt utterly helpless and like I was failing her.
Sleep is so vital for survival and growing. And as someone who has struggled with insomnia for most of my life I know how precious a good nights sleep is and I want that for her. But there’s so much noise out there, especially, surrounding sleep that makes it so hard to know if you’re helping your baby or hurting them.
Why is this so hard? If people have been having babies since the beginning of time why are we making raising them so complicated now? Sure there are some elements of parenting that need to be adapted to. Like modern medicine and keeping you child safe from sickness or things that are going to hurt them.
But when it comes to sleep, when did we go from following babies cues to sticking with stretch schedules and adding more fear and anxiety into a situation that is already super hard.
Parenting is the most rewarding job I’ve ever been entrusted with, but the amount of anxiety I have now has also increased. I don’t want to do my baby wrong by not doing the right thing but from the looks of things there is no right thing other than to love her, hold her and follow her cues. And if that’s the case for her why isn’t it the case for all babies?
I’ve done a lot of research around sleep training in the last few weeks. I even gone into AI chat bots and apps to get them to dissect and tell me what to do in order to get sleep. But every suggestion provided has only led to tears for both me and my baby. And I’m not about that. I don’t like crying any more than she does. In fact as the one who can talk I probably dislike crying more.
I don’t know about you but I can’t listen to my baby cry. It hurts too much. She’s not had an easy start so the idea that she’s upset or hurting and I’m ignoring it for the sake of sleep training makes me want to hurl. I don’t like it when she cries herself to sleep in her car seat when we’re driving and can’t stop and I certainly don’t want her crying herself to sleep when I’m there and capable of holding her and showing her love and helping her regulate her emotions. Especially at such a young age.
Now, this is truly my experience. If sleep training worked for you I’m happy for you and I hope you’re resting well.
It’s just not working for me.
What has been helping me though is little reminders that if I’m calm she’ll be calm.
So if I go into the night and I try to put her in her crib and she’s not having a good time then I pick her up and I see it as an opportunity to show her I’m there and she’s safe.
When she wakes in the middle of the night hungry, I try not to get upset because same. I thought pregnancy cravings hit, breastfeeding munchies in the middle of the night hit harder. So if I’m hungry as an adult why wouldn’t she as an infant also be hungry. And why wouldn’t I be upset that she needs food just like I do.
Or if I’m too hot or cold or the pillow just aren’t in the right spot or I’m feeling off that day and want to be cuddled by my husband, why would I expect her to not have similar feelings and want to be held by us.
All of this to say, I don’t think sleep training is what it’s cracked up to be at least right now for us. But I do think we need a greater push on allowing babies to feel the feels even when it’s exhausting and knowing that this season will be short even if it’s a year long. That’s still short and we will get through it. All while our babies build a secure attachment to us knowing we’ll always meet their needs. Even in the middle of the night. Even if it’s every 45 minutes all night long.
So I’m letting this post be a reminder to myself that she has needs just like me and staying calm and meeting those needs without expecting her to sleep through the night is where we are at in life right now. And maybe one day we’ll both sleep through the night for the first time. But for now, I’m choosing to cuddle her when it’s hard (and easy of course). Pray for her body to keep growing. And take a few extra deep breaths when the spiral tries to take over.
I’m also thanking God for her waking up because every time she’s awake is proof that we have more time with her. And I’m grateful for that.
I hope you get some rest and if you resonate with any of this, know you’re not alone.