Three years sober, but my first year sober as a mama.
This year came quickly, and it didn’t hit me until three days before the anniversary. From 2018 to 2023, I struggled with alcohol. I consumed too much, too frequently. During that time, I was in an unhealthy relationship, overworked, burnt out, and recovering from a head injury. It got to the point where I allowed the darkness to take over, and I sank.
The Lie of Self-Control
During that time, I never pictured myself becoming someone’s mama because of how broken I was. There was no way I was willing to bring a child into this world who would have a mama who couldn’t be there to support them in the way they deserved. And because I saw no end to my darkness, I didn’t bother fixing it. That was until God called me out of it.
I hope you hear me when I say that my being sober is purely by God’s grace. It was not something I could do on my own or get through by myself. Believe me, I tried. For six months, I tried to stop drinking. I told myself I could have limits and that I didn’t need it. I believed the lie that I could have just one drink, but then within an hour, I was four drinks deep. There was no self-control. Because when you’re addicted, breaking the cycle becomes impossible without help. And I was addicted.
The Morning Everything Changed
That was until June 1, 2023. I prayed that morning that God would help me with my addiction because I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t have the self-control to restrain myself, but I wanted so badly to stop. I could see how much it was affecting my life, and it needed to end. There are very few times I’ve prayed earnestly for something within me to change. But I was done, and I didn’t know how to get better. Without hesitation, God answered my prayers.
That night, I attended a networking event—one I’d been to many times. There were always free drinks. I told myself I wouldn’t have any. Then I got there, and it was my favourite drink being served. Ones I actually enjoyed and didn’t just consume for the escape. So, I said once again that I would just have one. And thanks to God, that was true. I cracked it open, took a sip, and honestly have never tasted something so gross. God made my favourite drink taste terrible to me. So, I put it down, and a switch flipped inside me. I knew it was God. I said thank you, and I have not picked up a drink since. Have I had weak moments where I wanted to? Absolutely. But thanks to God’s grace, I’ve now been sober for three years.
Parenting from Education, Not Fear
And because of my history with alcohol, my husband and I are able to approach our parenting with more education for our children around what addiction can look like, and not just what the media portrays it to be. Because we believe the best parenting comes from education, not from fear. Do I pray that our children never struggle with the same things we did? Yes. I want them to be healthy, happy, and safe. But I’m not a fool, and I know that they’re going to struggle with something. So, the best I can do is show them how to have a relationship with God, ensure they know they’re always safe at home, and pray that they will find their way through it.
A Beautifully Rewritten Life
I’ve only been sober for three years, but since becoming sober, I fell in love with an amazing man, we got married, and we had a baby. It’s been an incredible journey. But I know for a fact that my husband wouldn’t be my husband if I were still drinking. Because even if we did fall in love, I would have sabotaged the relationship to “spare” him from my brokenness. Thankfully, God is merciful and provided me with the strength to get through and stay sober. And I know He would do it again. Because self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit, and God says that He wants to fill us with His fruit; we can ask for it, and He will give it to us.
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” — 1 John 5:14-15
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” — Luke 11:11-13
No Shame in the Past
God also gave me a community that keeps me accountable and celebrates these anniversaries with me. There is no shame in my past—just joy in what the future holds. That alone is a God-given gift.
Now, my children get the opportunity to grow up in a home that does not shame struggles but instead helps you work through them. There is no sweeping things under the rug, pretending it didn’t happen, or avoiding the topic. We face it head-on in prayer with each other. And I pray that my children always know that God is not a God of shame, but of conviction and redirection. They are always safe in His arms. And so are you.