When I say I had weird feelings around Mother’s Day, I mean I was excited, sad, anxious, and unsure of how to feel all at once. Growing up, I never really envisioned what being a mom would be like. From the time I was a teenager until I met my husband, picturing a family wasn’t something I spent my time doing. I was so focused on building my business and career, paired with healing from different things, that the idea of having a family never felt close or real enough to spend time thinking about.
So when I found out I was pregnant, I actually feared what Mother’s Day would look like for me, especially since I was going to be freshly postpartum. And even though I’m now on the other side of my first Mother’s Day as a biological mother, it’s not the first Mother’s Day where someone thanked me for being a mom-like figure in their life or the lives of their children. That added an extra layer of the unknown because, for years, I’ve been genuinely wished a Happy Mother’s Day despite not having any children with my last name.
But God is gracious, and He met me where I was at with this Mother’s Day. I am very thankful for that because it was a hard day.
How The Day Started
The day started off really well. We had family visiting and staying with us, which was lovely. It was a quiet morning as we all got ready to go to church. Our little one was being dedicated that day, so it was a special Sunday even outside of it being Mother’s Day. My husband bought me beautiful flowers, candy, and chocolate, and wrote a meaningful card. He also took our little one for a little over an hour so I could get ready for the day slowly, without needing to rush or worry.
Getting to church was easy. The hard part didn’t start until after we stepped through the doors. I had hoped I timed her feeds well enough in the morning that she would sleep through church, as she normally falls into a deep sleep while in the car. However, as soon as I set her car seat down on a chair, she was wide awake and it was game over. A 15-minute nap is just not enough to get her through church, and church is too overstimulating to get her to go back to sleep.
So, I started rocking her and hoping she would stay calm until after the dedication mid-service. She did, but by the end, she was very tired and fighting her nap. No amount of rocking, shushing, or feeding was getting her back to sleep. Off to the nursery we went, where we stayed until the end of the service.
Post Dedication
From there, it was a race back to our house because we were hosting our family for lunch as a Mother’s Day and baby dedication celebration. I love our family so very much, but at only a few weeks postpartum, both my husband and I realized midway through the day that it would have been better to ask someone else to host. This was especially true since our little one had only napped for 15 minutes in the last four hours and was now very grumpy. She was also going through a big growth spurt, which was causing pain in her belly. Every time I handed her off, she would start to scream and want to be back with me.
This meant she and I were glued together for the day. Normally that would be fine, but the family wanted to hold the baby. Telling your family that they can’t hold their niece and grandbaby is not a fun task. It was mentally taxing, as I too wanted the break, but listening to her cry in discomfort was not worth it. So, our little one and I sat in the corner in the rocking chair all afternoon. I rocked, and she finally slept. Every time she woke up, I tried to feed her, but she didn’t eat very much, which only added to the grumpiness and the fighting of naps.
By the end of the day, when everyone except those staying with us had gone, I was done. Touched out, overstimulated, exhausted, emotionally drained, and ready for a good cry. As my husband and I crawled into bed, we both looked at each other and said that the day was too much, and we wouldn’t be hosting like that again until she was one.
Hindsights 20/20
Looking back on it now, I imagine we will host again before she turns one, but we will ask for more help and maybe not do it on a Sunday when our little one is already overstimulated from church. I also know that God kept me together all day and allowed me to enjoy my baby’s cuddles as we rocked, despite her not feeling well. He carried me through the mental load of ensuring she was given all she needed to get back on track with sleep and feedings, and providing comfort through the growing pains.
I guess you could say that on Mother’s Day, we both experienced growing pains—her physical, and mine mental and emotional. Being her mama is the best thing in the world. Having to set boundaries and say no to those close to us is not ideal, but it is worth it if it means she’s safe. And I’m lucky enough to have a family that understands. They may make a comment or two that is unnecessary, but it’s not a fight and the boundaries are not crossed.
But as I sit here writing and remembering that day, the biggest thing I hold onto is not what felt hard, but the beauty of us dedicating our daughter. The scripture chosen. My husband reading our prayers for her life. And the other families, who are close friends, who were dedicating their babies as well. It was special. I pray our little one always knows how much she is loved based on the amount of people who showed up for her that day and have prayed for her since God blessed us with her.
The verses from her dedication
While it’s the prophet Isaiah talking to Israel—point to the nature of God and His relationship to His people.
Isaiah 43:1-4
“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place. Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.”